Category: Form & Structure

Important Lexicon Update

Posted on by LHP

I’m retiring “awesome” from my lexicon. It’s been a good long run, some fun times — a couple of actual I’ve really been gobsmacked by that whatever it is authentic usages (mountain, cool jet airplanes overhead, big steel boat right up close)   — but it’s time for something newer and fresher.

So, sayonara “awesome” and greetings to a few probationary replacements: “superb” “splendid” “majestic” “glorious” and “magnificent”.

Watch for the hopefuls in regular usage in the coming weeks, and expect a final decision on a permanent replacement by month’s end.

Let’s Make Up a New Company Name

Posted on by LHP

To go with my recent (and ongoing) tagline refresh project, I thought it would be fun to come up with a new name for my freelance writing and editing business.

One of my favorite company names is General Atomics. They work in nuclear energy and defense, so ick all around.

Another favorite is General Dynamics. Also icky, unfortunately.

My third favorite is Applied Materials. Semi-conductors. Ho-hum.

You can see where this is going, so let’s get started.

  • Atomic Dynamics
  • Dynamic Atomics
  • Atomic Materials
  • Applied Dynamics
  • Material Atomics
  • Dynamic Materials
  • Dynamic Applied Atomics
  • Atomic Applied Dynamics

None of that has anything to do with what I do. Or does it?

Atom: “ The irreducible, indestructible material unit postulated by ancient atomism.” Or, in other words, “uncuttable.” Whether I’ve written it or edited it, that’s true for everything I produce (or ought to be): clear, concise, irreducible.

Dynamic: “Characterized by continuous change, activity, or progress…” Any firm that flirts with changing its name from “Lars Peterson Editorial Services” to “Material Dynamics”, is materially dynamic.

Applied: “Put into practice or a particular use…” Such as this exercise in business naming.

Applied Dynamic Atomics: Reality Transcription Services

 

 

Tagline Refresh

Posted on by LHP

The old tagline — “What can I write for you?” — is getting stale.

Let’s cook up some new ones. Let’s stay focused on what I do: write and edit. Anything, really.

“Words”

  • Words wryitten, edited.
  • Words. Raw and cooked.
  • Words. Rough and polished.
  • Words. Fresh and easy.

Oops. That last belongs to a grocery chain.

“Copy”

Sticking with what I do.

  • Copywritten and edited.
  • Copywrediting
  • Copywreditor for rent.
  • Copy written, copy edited.

“Misc”

A grab bag. Hey!

  • Grab bag, talk job, write draft, cut copy, please client.
  • Copy so clean you forget it’s there.
  • Words we won’t forget.
  • Words I won’t forget to proofread.
  • Words that lose themselves in you(r business, product, or service).
  • Where the serial comma is always welcome.
  • Words first and last.

 

 

 

A Poet Thrills the Soul, but a Copywriter Sells One

Posted on by LHP

Last time we looked at the figure of speech chiasmus and how it might be used as a tool for generating memorable or effective copy. Here’s the short version: Chiasmus is the reversal of words in successive, balanced clauses or phrases. We came up with a keeper out of that exercise (“Finding perfect words and perfecting words found”).

Today we look at another figure of speech — antithesis, which is the juxtaposition of opposite concepts in successive, balanced clauses or phrases. As with chiasmus, clauses and phrases are generally parallel, but not always.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. — Abraham Lincoln

The last temptation is the greatest treason: to do the right deed for the wrong reason. — TS Eliot

It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. — Frank Perdue.

Nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven. — Pillsbury Doughboy

and, finally:

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. — Vilhjalmur Stefansson

In the spirit of that last example comes my first:

A Poet thrills the Soul, but a Copywriter sells one.

Maybe the simplest way to use this figure is to begin with a statement, then turn it on its head:

You can pay more for copywriting, but you won’t get more.

Continuing the value pitch:

First class copywriting on an economy ticket.

You could use that one over and over. Just swap out the industry.

Top shelf copywriting for the price of well.

or

Ferrari copywriting that won’t cost you a Corolla.

But maybe I don’t want to compete on price. Maybe I want to compete on erudition.

Erudite copy by a writer who knows what’s wrong with this pitch. Instinctively.

I’m not sure what erudition* is, either, but it sounds good.

—————-
*Looked it up. My instinct was right!

Chiasmus and the Copywriter

Posted on by LHP

Copywriters have been using figures of speech in their work forever. And by figures of speech, I don’t mean idioms or euphemisms, I mean figures from classical rhetoric. These are well-defined shapes and patterns in language. For classical rhetoricians, such patterns start at the highest level of organization and reach all the way down to sentences, clauses, phrases and words.

Let’s look at one.

Parallelism is the repetition of patterns of words, phrases and clauses. It adds rhythm, clarity and coherence. Chiasmus is the anti-parallelism. It reverses the order of words and phrases. Rhythm is preserved, but intriguing new meanings and connotations erupt. This discussion by the guy who wrote the book on it is tops.

The classic example of chiasmus comes from Mae West:

It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life of your men.

There are others you may recognize:

Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.

You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy.

I am stuck on Band-Aid, and Band-Aid’s stuck on me.

Sorry, Charlie. Starkist wants tuna that tastes good, not tuna with good taste.

How about a couple for Lars Peterson Editorial Services?

Dr. Mardy Grothe, linked above, used this line from the Bible, “Whoever sheds the blood of man by man shall his blood be shed,” as an example of chiasmus that reverses more than one or two terms (there’s no limit, by the way). Let’s use it as a model.

A Copywriter who pens words that sell must first sell himself with words he pens.

That sounds heavy and old timey. And the rhythm is not quite right in the second clause (“himself” messes it up). Worse, it’s not specific to me.

Let’s start with another truism, in tighter, brighter language, and reverse it somehow in the second clause.

All copywriters think they write like Hemingway. He wouldn’t have thought to write like me.

Better! Self-deprecating humor can work (“With a name like Smucker’s, it has to be good.”), but I don’t want to give clients an easy way to pass on me. And it’s not tight and bright enough.

Let’s keep it under ten words, for both clauses or phrases, and make it specific to what I do (writing and editing).

Finding perfect words and perfecting words found.

Now we’re getting somewhere. Still a little stuffy, and not easy to say aloud, but definitely one for the keeper file.

Syndeton, Polysyndeton, Asyndeton.

Posted on by LHP

Syndeton is the coordination of elements in a sentence, generally with a conjunction (although not always, as with the title of this post). For example:

Lars Peterson provides writing and editorial services.

Polysyndeton is the use of conjunctions between all of the elements requiring coordination.

Visitors to lpeds.com will find Lars Peterson’s resume and a portfolio and contact information and a blog about writing.

Asyndeton is the absence of conjunctions between the elements requiring coordination.

At www.lpeds.com, visitors can see Lars Peterson’s resume, his portfolio, his contact information, his blog about writing.

Asyndeton and polysyndeton are not limited to coordinating items in a series. Both can be used with phrases and clauses, too.

Phrases and Polysyndeton:

A successful freelance project requires understanding client goals and developing familiarity with the material and transforming both into a compelling read.

…and Asyndeton:

A successful freelance project requires an understanding of client goals, familiarity with the material, solid language skills.

Clauses:

Polysyndeton:

The freelance writer, who has worked in publishing and who has worked in education and who has worked in fishing and who has worked in shipbuilding, brings lessons learned from all of his experiences to each of his projects.

Asyndeton:

The freelance writer has worked in publishing, he has worked in education, he has worked in fishing, he has worked in shipbuilding, and he brings lessons learned from all of his experiences to each of his projects.

When clauses are linked using polysyndeton, they can take on a sort of Biblical tone, which may or may not be appropriate to the material. Ernest Hemingway often connected clauses this way, particularly long strings of simple sentences. Polysyndeton can also make the copy sound laborious and tedious, which can be useful if the copy is describing something laborious and tedious:

The indexer read the page and looked for indexable words and finding one, noted it on an index card and began to look for another word for the index and finding one, noted it on the card below the previous candidate and turned to the next page and put the index card on the stack with all the other “used” index cards and drew another fresh index card from the deck and began to read the new page and looked for indexable words and not finding any continued to the next page and so on until all the pages in the manuscript had been pored over. Then the indexer collated the index cards and moved them to the new stack and began again at page one to double check his work.

Or, polysyndeton can give a list of items a sense of endlessness — and thoroughness.

Today the freelancer has to exercise and buy office supplies and do some marketing and fix the fountain in the front yard and teach in the afternoon and work on one of his spec projects.

Asyndeton can give coordinated elements a sense of hurried incompleteness — as if more of the same exists beyond the edge of the sentence or page.

The freelancer searches for new clients among online job-boards, among his friends and colleagues, among his neighbors, among his current clients’ contacts.

Parallelism

Posted on by LHP

Parallel writing features repeating patterns that add rhythm, balance, and flow to sentences, paragraphs, and essays. Because of its effect on clarity and coherence, parallelism might be the most important skill a writer — of any stripe — can master. A good understanding of parallelism can help improve grammar, too.

Parallel patterns help writers group ideas with equal importance, and they help readers see connections between those ideas. The simplest patterns are made of words, such as items in a series or consistent use of similar adjectives and adverbs. Phrases, clauses, and even whole sentences can be arranged in repeating, parallel patterns.

Any part of a sentence can be repeated, or paralleled, any number of times. A little parallelism goes a long way. Try not to overdo it!

Continue reading “Parallelism”

Mystery Object

Posted on by LHP

In my writing workshops (which is where I am a couple afternoons a week), we play a game called “Mystery Object.” I ask my students to describe a real world object — preferably something in the world around them — without naming it in their descriptions. Then, at the beginning of each workshop, the students take turns reading their Mystery Objects out loud while the rest of us try to guess what they are. There are a few rules: MO’s must be at least six sentences long; they cannot include the word “you;” each must contain one simile and one metaphor. Occasionally I add other rules: every word in the description (except for prepositions and articles and conjunctions) must begin with the letter ‘L’ (or some other letter); MO’s can only describe the effects of the object, and not its physical features; every sentence must contain a simile; and so on.

Recently a couple of students noticed that I wasn’t participating.

We refer to this object as a pair, even though it’s really just one thing, just as we do with a pair of pants. They are as familiar to their wearers as the ends of their noses, which is helpful because that’s where they often are. They are made of glass (and sometimes plastic), carefully ground to bend light in a special way, astronomical lenses for the common man. Cleverly designed frames hold the glass in place, and small arms reach back to hook behind the ears and anchor the device in place. Frames and lenses come in many shapes and sizes, but this particular pair features slender wire frames and clear plastic bridge-pads and shaped pieces of ground glass that offer rectangular windows on their wearer’s windows to the soul. People have used these to correct flaws in their eyesight for centuries. I have used mine for only a couple of years.

Eyeglasses.